Who are the 11%ers

11% of the population feel Congress is doing a good job.  Isn’t that shocking?  Not that only 11% of the population approve of Congress’ performance, but that there is actually 11% out there who DO approve.  I mean really, people approve of Congress?   Now I know I’m not a mathematician, because my grades in math told me so,  but that breaks down to about 20 million people in the U.S. proclaim Congress is doing a fine job.  20 MILLION?  Are you kidding me?  To put that in further perspective,  about 1 million people went to the theaters to see that craptastic 2003 Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez flick, GIGLI.  If you are one of the 7 billion or so who haven’t seen it, trust me it’s horrendous.  But if you are one of those “trust-but-verify” types and want to watch it, go right ahead, but you’d be wasting less time peddling snow shovels in Miami.  Nonetheless, most people watched the trailer for that movie and collectively said “that’s gonna suck”, as they should have.  But after reading, hearing and watching news reports on congress’ performance, the 11%ers are acting like they just watched 50 Shades of Grey starring Mila Kunis and Bradley Cooper.

How on Earth can anyone look at Congress and go “good job, thumbs up, bravo!”?  I have not met a person who approves of the job they are doing.  No one seems to admit to giving Congress a high-five-chest-bump job approval.  I don’t know, maybe the media is just creating a mythical number so Congress isn’t getting their feelings hurt. Congressional politicians have feelings right?

There are 535 people in Congress, add about 10,000 family and friends of those Congress members and that makes 10,535.  That works out to like .0050% of registered voters.  These 10,535 get a free pass because they have to vote in support of Congress.  They are invested by association. They are like the parents who look at their kids art project, you know, the picture they drew of their family but only in this drawing one arm is twice as long as the other, and they have 14 fingers but only 7 toes, with oval eyes and orange faces.  They tell their kids “awesome work buddy” because they have too, why?  Because they are invested!  But what about everyone else?  After removing those people, that still leaves 11%.  We are still at roughly 20 million people.  Again who are they?  We need a Dateline-20/20-60 minutes-Sherlock Holmes-Nancy Drew investigation to find out who they are.

The great comedian George Carlin (R.I.P.) use to tell a joke about the definition of the word Congress.  Carlin’s definition was this,  CON means to take away, GRESS means to work together, therefore Congress is working together to take things away from us, the taxpayer.  But this Congress is doing so bad they can’t even agree on what to take from us.  At least when Congress was “working” I was at least paying for things I didn’t want.  Now I’m not paying for anything, I’m just paying.  And yes I’m being rhetorical.   I think we need Congressional refs to call penalties like in football.  I want refs throwing flags. Instead of holding, offsides, and false start we could have congressional (with)holding-information, political-flip-flopping and voting-before-the-full-bill-is-fully-disclosed.  If we had Congressional refs, C-SPAN might actually be interesting….maybe.

Finally, one of our earliest presidents, John Adams, once said, “One useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, three or more is congress”.  How sad is it, that this phrase is as accurate now, as apparently it was then.

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running a 5k fashion show

Things heard at a recent 5K.  “Hey what year is your Prius?”  “Can you pass the Kashi?”  “What running mix is on your iPod?” “Have you tried a quinoa?” Ok, sure I jest, but I don’t think I have gone outside the envelope of 5K speak.  And there does seem to be a rather large collection of prius-es at running events.  What is the plural of prius anyway?  Flock?  Gaggle?  Herd?  Pree-i?  Anyways those speaking 5k-enese was rampant, but not as rampant as the 5K fashion show that was going on simultaneously .

What happened to just throwing on my Aerosmith t-shirt , my sweats, my running shoes and hitting the pavement?  Why, because I’m wearing that, am I the poster boy of running fashion faux pas?  And while I’m on this rant why are all the new running shoes all vibrantly colored like a My Little Pony just puked up a bag of skittles?  My poor old dark gray New Balance 870s look like a 17-year-old half hairless smelly dog compared to these new colorful breed of kicks.  Just being at a 5K makes me feel like I’m on an episode of What Not To Wear, just waiting to be fashionly ripped apart, and have all my cotton running apparel tossed in a 55 gallon trash can, just to be replaced with rainbow-colored neoprene and lyrca skin-tight running gear.  Why do I want to spend 50 bucks on something I’m just going to sweat in and stink up?  It’s not like I am going to look impressive wearing the latest colorful synthetic go-fast run-gear while at the same time sweating and breathing hard enough to a make low-end porn star blush.

Why on Earth do they even give you a non-neoprene cotton shirt after completing your run of awesomeness?  You’re not going to wear it at the next 5K, you’re gonna wear it at the mall, mowing the lawn, going to a backyard fire-pit drinking event, basically anywhere to show off the shirt to prove you’re wondrous at running.  Whats funny is many people spend considerable $$$ on trendy run threads, plus the fee to enter the run, just to get the shirt.  Which brings me to that question runners often ask when entering a run, “What does the 5K shirt look like they give you?”  What does it look like?  It looks like you spent 25 of the 40 bucks of the entry fee to get a cotton shirt, that’s what it looks like.  Maybe I’m wrong about all this, I doubt it, but I’ll throw it out there anyway.

There is something I do like about organized runs……the food at the end, nice touch, saves me the drive to stuff my pie hole.  I would however tweak the menu a smidge.  An appropriate meal for conquering 3+ mile runs should not be, in my genius opinion, bananas, trail mix, and muffins.  It should be jelly donuts, meat on a stick, and any deep-fried dessert.  Basically State-Fair delicatessen.  You should get a funnel cake and a snow-cone at the finish, along with a coupon to your local buffet restaurant.

Ok so, I’ll admit it, there is a feeling of accomplishment after a long run, long meaning anything that’s makes me start breathing hard like the above mentioned porn star.  And there is something copacetic about running with a few hundred/thousand people.  Will I continue to run 5Ks? Sure, but I’m sticking with my tattered Steven Tyler tee.  Am I out of fashion? No, just ahead of the next athletic attire trend.